FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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