I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
