I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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