Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
