she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
