My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
