At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
