Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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