Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
