if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
