Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
