Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
