Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We have started to decorate penises.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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