i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
