Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
