He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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