there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
