Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Randomize
