Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize