Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
