Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
