i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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