Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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