somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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