Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
