I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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