I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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