I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
