How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
