i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
