i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
