I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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