Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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