i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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