do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
