Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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