So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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