So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
