Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
as a side note pls kill me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
