Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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