remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
