Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
