I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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