id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
