this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk is not a location!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
