you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
