when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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