Please, let me fuck your mom
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
