it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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