That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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