Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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